A Conversation With My Maker (Dear God)

    Today is the 19th of October of the year 2015. I recently turned 61 years of age on the 17th of September. By my optimistic calculation I have approximately 24 years of additional life left in this body before it can no longer sustain me. When I consider that I retired from the United States Naval Service on the 1st of February of 2003, 12 years ago, 24 years doesn’t seem like that is a lot of time! Unfair!  However, I am not depressed, I do not feel old.  Well, okay, I am not 18, or even 35 and I am certainly developing a long list of “issues”, mostly physical.  I think I am going to register some complaints with the manufacturer.  

     First of all, the biggest issue I have is with the backbone data transfer between my stomach and brain. This data backbone is in seriously need of an upgrade. It is amazing how I can sit down and eat just about anything and before my brain has been told that I am satisfied I have eaten 3-5 times the amount of food that my body needs.  This is a major flaw in my internal data transfer!.. and should be a major item of concern to be corrected when you roll out the next version. Of course, over the years, this excess is turned into fat and this is a major flaw in human engineering. So yeah, God, I am pretty pissed about this.  

     Faulty taste sensors are another major human engineering issue that you fucked up on. This needs your immediate and serious attention.  Why is it that just about every thing that we should be putting into our bodies for nourishment tastes like shit? You would have thought that you’d have at least gotten this one thing right.  To put it simply, broccoli should taste like ice cream, and vice versa!.  Just imagine what healthy biologic creatures you would have on your hands if you had gotten this right! I really have to question your almighty-ness on this one. 

Other areas of major concern that need to be corrected in your roll out of Mankind 2.0 are as follows:

  • Improvements in knee, shoulder, lower back and spine construction
  • Improvements in vision and hearing
  • Immune from all types of cancer would be helpful
  • This human model needs to be built to last a lot longer.  Who out there doesn’t want to see their great great great grandchildren get married?

You would think that being the Supreme Being that you would also be a pretty good biologist and engineer.  Apparently you skipped those classes when you were undergoing your Almighty training.  You certainly are an expert at burning bushes and issuing commandments though. Are we just limited production models that you are testing?  Will newer versions correct these serious flaws? You don’t really expect us to tinker with our own genomes do you? Will we be paid for doing your job, for fixing what you messed up?

Okay, that’s my initial feedback Lord.  I will be giving this some more thought in the coming days and weeks.  I figure I have about 24 years to give you some serious input on your current humanoid model for consideration before I expire.


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A high school dropout in 1972 after my single parent Mom passed away. A great student who joined the US Navy's submarine force as an E-1 Seaman Recruit. After 30 years of service I retired as a Lieutenant Commander. I was the Electronics Material Officer at Submarine Force Headquarters where I was responsible for the periscopes, radar, countermeasures, telecommunications and networks on all Pacific Fleet Submarines. After my Navy service I spent 7 years as a government employee in the DOD at the Navy's Space and Naval Warfare Center in San Diego. After two years as a Program Manager at AMSEC LLC, a subsidiary of Huntington Ingalls Shipyard, I decided to fully retire at the end of February in 2014 at the young age of 59. My wife and I have moved to Las Vegas NV where I am now a Substitute Teacher for Clark County School District and Private Charter Schools in the area.

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